What 37 Years of Leadership Have Taught Me About How I See Myself

A few years ago, I completed an EQ-i 360 assessment. People who worked with me were invited to answer questions about how they experienced my leadership.

One question focused on how I worked with others.

The responses stopped me in my tracks.

One person wrote:

“Julian never involves us. He just fires out emails with what needs to happen.”

Another wrote:

“Julian always includes us in the discussions before making decisions.”

I remember reading those comments and feeling deeply unsettled. How could two people have such different experiences of the same leader?

My first reaction was defensive.

I wanted to explain the context, justify my actions, and only focus on the positive feedback. Over time, I realised something important ~ both comments probably contained truth.

I had discovered a leadership blind spot.

When pressure increased, I often moved faster than the team. I thought I was helping by creating clarity and keeping things moving. Sometimes, though, I was carrying the process instead of sharing the process. I was informing people rather than involving them.

This distinction has changed the way I lead.

Proverbs 27:6 says,

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend.”

Honest feedback can feel uncomfortable, but it is often one of God’s tools for shaping us. Remember that David prayed,

“Search me, O God, and know my heart” (Psalm 139:23).

Self-awareness is not weakness. Self-awareness is a doorway to growth.

What challenged me most was realising that the blind spot was hidden inside one of my strengths. Decisiveness, responsibility, and responsiveness are valuable qualities. Yet under pressure, those same strengths can create an experience of exclusion for other people.

In her book, Braving the Wilderness, Brené Brown writes,

“People are hard to hate close up. Move in.”

I would add: people are also hard to understand from our own perspective alone. We need the courage to hear how others experience us. To ask the question ~ what is it like on the other side of me?

This reflection has shaped my vision for the Lead You Collective. I want it to be more than a place for leadership content. I hope to create a space where leaders can have honest conversations, receive feedback, grow in self-awareness, and become healthier leaders from the inside out.

After 37 years of leadership, I am increasingly convinced that the greatest breakthroughs often begin with the feedback we would rather avoid.

What piece of feedback have you been tempted to dismiss too quickly?