Mistakes I Wish I'd Recognised Earlier

Over the last few weeks I’ve been sharing lessons from my 37 years of leadership.

As I’ve reflected on those posts, I’ve realised many of them keep pointing back to the same few mistakes.

Not dramatic failures.

Quiet patterns that slowly shape a leader.

1. Carrying too much for too long

I got caught in the trap of thinking responsibility and significance were the same thing. If I was needed, I assumed I was leading well. Looking back, I can see that some of the pressure I felt was self-created by staying too central.

Jethro recognised this pattern in Moses long before modern leadership books existed. In Exodus Chapter 18, he told Moses, “What you are doing is not good… you and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out” (Exodus 18:17–18). The issue was not Moses’ heart; it was a leadership structure that made him indispensable.

Patrick Lencioni observes that healthy organisations are built on clarity and shared responsibility, not on the heroics of one leader. The moment everything depends on one person, growth becomes fragile.

2. Giving answers too quickly

Like most leaders, I genuinely wanted to help people. However, every problem I solved was a problem someone else did not learn to solve.

Michael Bungay Stanier, in The Coaching Habit, argues that leaders often become trapped in what he calls the Advice Monster ~ the tendency to jump in with solutions before helping people think for themselves. Coaching leaders develop thinkers, while controlling leaders develop dependence.

Research in organisational psychology consistently shows how people are more committed to decisions they have helped shape. Ownership grows when people participate in the process, not merely receive the outcome.

3. Confusing help with growth

Helping people can make us busier. Helping people grow may make us less needed. This is a much deeper challenge because it touches identity, not just leadership technique.

Henri Nouwen wrote,

“The temptation of power is greatest when intimacy is lacking.”

I think as leaders we can face a related temptation ~ finding our value in our usefulness. When our identity becomes tied to being needed, releasing responsibility becomes emotionally difficult.

Jesus modelled a different way.

He invested deeply in people, shared responsibility, and prepared others to continue the mission. Healthy leadership is not about remaining essential, it is about becoming intentional.

This is why I keep talking about leading yourself well, leading from behind, becoming a coaching leader, and developing other leaders. These are not trends for me. These are the lessons shaped by decades of ministry, mistakes, feedback, reflection, and growth.

It is also the heart behind the Lead You Collective. I am working on creating a space where leaders can be honest about the pressures they carry, receive healthy challenge, grow in self-awareness, and become healthier from the inside out.

If these reflections have been helping you, I’d genuinely love to hear that. One of the most encouraging parts of this journey has been discovering that many leaders are carrying questions they rarely say out loud.

Which of these patterns are you most determined to change in the next 12 months?

• Carrying too much

• Giving answers too quickly

• Confusing help with growth