The Conversation That May Have Saved My Leadership

I can still remember being asked by my leaders to come to their house for a conversation.

I had a pretty good idea why.

They wanted to challenge me about some lifestyle choices I was making. (For context, I was about 21 at the time).

It became a pivotal moment.

I had a choice.

I could deny what they were saying. I could defend myself, explain things away or make the conversation considerably more complicated.

Or I could acknowledge the truth.

“Yes. I know what you're talking about.”

I chose the latter.

There were consequences. Taking responsibility didn't suddenly make everything disappear.

Honesty, however, created a way forward.

There was a route towards restoration and, eventually, back into leadership.

More than 30 years later, I remain incredibly grateful that my leaders were willing to have such a conversation with me.

I don't think they were motivated primarily by disappointment.

They were motivated by love.

They saw God's hand on my life. They believed there was purpose and potential in me. They chose to act rather than ignore something that could damage my future. They were willing to risk an uncomfortable conversation to protect it.

Sometimes I wonder whether I would be doing what I'm doing today if they hadn't.

I can't answer that, but I do know their example profoundly affected the way I have tried to lead others.

Proverbs 27:6 says,

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted.”

Sometimes love encourages.

Sometimes love celebrates.

Sometimes love says something we'd rather not hear.

I've tried throughout my leadership to be willing to have those conversations rather than avoid them. Not because I enjoy confrontation, but because I've personally experienced what can happen when someone cares enough not to look the other way.

It also taught me something about leading myself.

When challenged, my first responsibility isn't to defend my reputation.

It's to ask:

Is there truth here that I need to own?

This response requires humility, self-awareness and accountability.

It's one of the reasons I'm so passionate about developing leaders today.

Leadership development isn't only giving people opportunities and encouragement. Sometimes it's caring enough about who someone could become to challenge what's getting in the way.

Do the people around you know that you care enough about their future to tell them the truth?

And perhaps there's another question:

Who have you permitted to do the same for you?